That’s the question I’ve been asking ever since having a meeting with a wonderful consultant about my status as an author.
See, as I’ve been going through graduate school to become a counselor, I’m learning so much. I want to be a counselor. I enjoy it. I really do.
But it’s not my calling. It’s not my heart’s profound and deeply-held desire to be a counselor. Maybe that won’t make me a very good counselor. I don’t think so, as I have a lot of passion for a lot of things. Doesn’t mean I’m bad at them.
But the thing I’m most passionate about is writing. I wrote my first screenplay in December and have already received feedback to make it even better. It wasn’t that bad to start with, honestly. Formatting is difficult, but there’s software to help with that. It’s a different medium than books, so I have to remember to write like it will actually be a visual format.
I want to do both. I want to be a screenwriter and an author. And a playwright. I want to make my living writing creatively. That’s what I absolutely feel.
I’ve been seriously considering what this means for my future. Does this mean I should continue on trying to be a school counselor? If it’s not something I want to do for the rest of my life, something I really, desperately want, then am I wasting my time? Especially the time of my future clients?
I need to be able to live my life. There are no guarantees being an author. No guaranteed money, no guaranteed success. No official way to ensure that I have a steady income. And in today’s world, that is absolutely necessary for the things I want.
I want a home. I don’t want to have neighbors stomping above me all the time, or taking my parking spot, or living in the same building I am. I want a house, and I want to be able to help my husband pay for our bills. I don’t want to be a mooch, sitting at home, working part time to pay the very basics while pursing a degree I’m not even sure I really, truly want.
I don’t know what to do. I want to do what’s smart, which is get the degree, get the job, and write in my spare time. That’s what’s smart. Plus, as a school counselor, I would get summers off. More time to write - yay!
I feel like I’ve always done what’s smart. And I took a chance on believing in myself in applying for grad school.
Do I believe in myself enough to do what I really, truly want to do?
Do I believe in myself enough?
Do I?