“But as I sat facing the three cameras that fed into 100,000 plus homes across southeast Idaho, I felt unfulfilled. Empty. This was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.”
While I know many authors have a blog, I hope mine will be unique in that, honestly, I’m not obsessed with books. I enjoy reading and writing, but I have many other interests. And right now, at 31 years old, my main interest is getting into a career. And I’ve chosen to apply to a graduate program at Idaho State University (Idaho and the university are both real, look it up).
I intend to get my Master’s degree in School Counseling. And part of the application is to include a Statement of Purpose.’
First of all, that title is intimidating AF. Maybe just call it a “Statement about why you want to do this and stuff, IDK lol.” That would make it much less intimidating. You mean I have to not only identify my purpose, but write it down? All… purposeful and stuff? ON purpose? (Cue me breathing into a paper bag on the kitchen floor, mini candy wrappers scattered at my feet).
However, I’ve gone through two rough drafts. Hoo boy, are they rough. However, They’re getting better with each iteration, and soon I think my application will be ready to submit.
So, for my first blog post in a long time (sorry Blogger, but we’ve been over for 10 years now. Move on.) I’m going to present this rough statement of purpose to introduce you all to me. It makes my mouth dry just thinking about sharing this with all of you — friends, family, and strangers — but I need to start somewhere if I’m going to be doing a weekly blog.
Here it is — my Statement of Purpose. I’m going to post this and go back to the kitchen floor with my bag of candy. I heart you too, mini chocolates.
As a published fiction author, I love telling stories, and I have yet to tell mine - until now.
As children, we are often asked what we are going to do when we grow up. From the age of three, my answer was always the same: I wanted to be an actor, because actors made people happy. This thought of making others happy was at the center of nearly every decision I made in my search for the perfect career, though it wasn’t until years later that I realized this truth. As I continued to grow, I learned that becoming an actor like those I had seen in movies was next to impossible, and I set my sights lower. In high school, I found that I excelled in journalism classes. I decided I was going to become a television news personality like Anderson Cooper and Chris Cuomo. Combining the two things I enjoyed would make me famous, and therefore loved by all.
As I’m sure you can see, there was a substantial error in my logic that escaped my 18-year-old brain. I enrolled at Idaho State University and earned my Bachelor’s degree in Multimedia Journalism with an emphasis in Broadcasting. I was working for the local ABC affiliate when I graduated. My absolute favorite moments were going to someone’s office, sitting down with them one-on-one, and listening to what they had to say, asking questions to get to any deeper meaning. I was unafraid to ask big questions, but as a very young man, I was terrified of the big answers it brought me.
However, my time there was overshadowed by dashed hopes and shattered expectations. I wanted to tell stories that people would like. My news director wanted to tell people the news. I finally got my chance to anchor the news during the week of Christmas. And as I sat there at the desk I’d grown up seeing on the news, facing the three cameras that fed into 100,000 plus homes across southeast Idaho, I felt unfulfilled. Empty. This was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
After I left the news station, I thought I found my true calling when I lucked into a job at Century High School as their broadcasting teacher a week before school started in 2015. Being a teacher was a joyously challenging experience. I loved being in the high school setting, and specifically enjoyed checking in with the students every Monday and Friday in what I called the OSGOF, or, the “Oddly Shaped Gathering of Friendliness.” My students and I had some very frank discussions about their lives in and out of school. This kind of honesty, combined with the fact that I was working at the high school I attended, made me feel I was finally able to be myself, something I never felt able to do when I was in high school.
Yet, the times I was standing in front of the classroom were some of my least favorite. I learned I didn’t want, nor did I need an audience. I did my best work when I was able to sit down with the students individually and go over their assignments and struggles. With classes of over 30 students, however, this was made nearly impossible. Teaching felt like I was wearing someone else’s suit - while it fit me in some ways, it just wasn’t for me. I will never forget my then-fiance telling me that it sounded like I would make a good counselor, and the idea struck me like a lightning bolt.
Meanwhile, I was struggling with my own highs and lows. Stresses I had been able to manage in the past were becoming overwhelming, and I was shutting down and underperforming my duties for my students, every second in front of the classroom became more and more exhausting. This was when I first began addressing my needs as an individual, digging deeper into why I was behaving in certain ways. I began to see a counselor on my own. I also went to a general practitioner and was put on an antidepressant.
At that time, the position I had fallen into was suddenly pulled out from under me. In order to continue teaching, I had to certify in business, and I was simply not qualified to teach the subject. I received a Century blanket and a plaque wishing me well. It was hard to say goodbye to my fellow coworkers, and they stated they were also sad to see me go.
I transitioned to a job at Alameda Middle School, working with students in the Special Education program, and planned to get my teaching certification, though it still did not feel like the right fit. As I continued working individually with the students, I realized that what I enjoyed most was simply being there to help them through their struggles, however big or small. Again, counseling called my name. I did research on my own time to learn more about different kinds of students in SPED classes and how they responded to various teaching techniques. I discovered that what they most needed was encouragement, patience, and love. As it turns out, I have plenty to give.
Unfortunately, life changed, expenses increased, and I had to find a higher-paying job with more hours, forcing me to leave Alameda and the students I cared about. Since that time, I have struggled to find the right opportunity to go back to school and finally pursue the career goals closest to my heart.
It was at this time I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. I struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis, but I knew mental health issues ran in my family, including bipolar disorder. So, I began a medication regimen. And just as I fell into a clouded, muddied existence due to incorrectly prescribed medication, I began working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. I slept during the day, was awake at night, and felt life passing me by. It was at this point I reached a boiling point with my mental health. I had been existing, but that was as far as my life had gone. I was pursuing my normal interests with zero enthusiasm. Worse, whenever I took my medication, I experienced severe suicidal ideation. My provider switched me to a new medication, but with the same results.
When I approached my provider again, he said I should give it a few more weeks to see if it would work itself out. After sharing this story with a few close friends, their advice was overwhelmingly the same: stop taking it, and find a new provider. I did, and it was with this provider that the magic happened. She dug deeper, and moved forward with the idea that my symptoms were not of bipolar disorder, but of post-traumatic stress disorder. She placed me on two different medications and a supplement of methyl folate after conducting a saliva test.
I immediately felt the difference of this new medication. After two years, I felt like I had come back to life, and with this resurrection came a passionate drive. I was 30 years old, and not doing what I wanted to do with my life. That was unacceptable. I knew I could do better. I know I can do better. My life experiences have prepared me far better to pursue a counseling career now than what I thought I wanted at 18 years old, or even at 24 years old. My successes and failures have gifted me with a new level of certainty about what I want to spend my life doing.
These struggles have all led me to this point - applying to be a school counselor. After all my experiences, it makes sense. I enjoyed working with high school students the most, I enjoyed working with individuals one-on-one, and, most importantly, I have discovered why I wanted to be an actor, and a TV news reporter, and a teacher. In my eyes, they all help people to be happy. What I want to do with my life is to help people find happiness, and combining my own journey of mental health, I can think of no other important way to do so than to help improve someone’s mental health.
Upon earning my Master’s degree, I intend to then become certified in family, couples, and marriage counseling, and would thoroughly enjoy gaining my certificate in animal-assisted therapy. I feel that this combination of perspectives will be helpful as I work with students. My goal is to help students gain tools as they head out into the world so they can better manage its many unexpected twists and turns. If I had been given the tools I now have when I was younger, it would have made an incredible difference in my decision-making and coping skills. I hope to help students see who they are and, most importantly, who they want to be, and give them the encouragement and the means to become their best selves.
At this point in my life, I am many things. I am a husband, son, uncle, and brother. I am a front desk agent and a marketing assistant. I am also a published fiction author, a playwright, an actor, and a singer. And not only am I a trauma survivor, I consider myself to be thriving. I welcome the opportunity to call myself a student again, and eventually earn the title of, counselor. I feel as if the circumstances in my life seem to be matching up and guiding me toward this opportunity, this calling. I know what I want to do, I have plans, and I have the life experience to realize just how valuable an education is. Now is when I need to invest my time and energy in such opportunities. I hope to be a counselor to help people and, in turn, help my community both locally and globally.
My intention is not to impress you with my prowess as an academic or any predisposition to being a top-notch natural listener. My intention was to tell you my story. I hope this story has painted a picture of someone you want in the counseling graduate program. Someone who yearns to do better with his life and, in turn, leave life better than how he found it for others.
If you want to know more or have questions or comments, feel free to find me on Twitter @christafuzz89 and let me know what you’d like to hear about me next! Thanks for reading!